Grandmother keeps endangering daughter's child, child's mother cuts her out of her life: 'I am the only one in her immediate family who will tell her the truth about her behavior'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 7, 2025 7:00 AM EST

Being a grandparent sounds like a really sweet gig. You've done all the hard work of raising your kids; they've grown up to have kids of their own, and now you can come hang out and have a bunch of fun. You also get to say stuff like "back in my day" and "when I was your age," which will be sure to annoy your grandkids. Most importantly, you get to spoil them, and then they will be all the more excited to see you the next time you come around.

A very important part of being a grandparent is respecting the parenting choices of your own kids. You already did your part to parent, and now it's best to take a hands-off approach so your kids can learn from your mistakes and their own. If you keep disrespecting your kid's wishes, you might lose the chance to spend time with your grandkids. One woman told a story about how her mother went against her parenting rules so many times that she's now had to cut her mother out of her and her child's life. So, does Mother really know best in this situation? Or has she lost her privileges? Let's get into it. 

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    Update at bottom of post: I am the oldest of 3. I got married first and had kids first. My mother loves the in ground pool in the back yard. She offered to babysit when my first was born, and because we both worked, we were happy to have free child care. This went ok for 1 year.
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  • 03
    When my daughter was 2, and mom had just opened the pool, I reminded her do not put the baby in the pool. You just opened it yesterday and it is not heated. The water is too cold.
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    Mom agreed and I went to work. (PS. Mom is obese, and has a lot of body fat that helps her regulate in cold water. The baby had very little)
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    When I got home they were both in the pool and the baby was shivering. We argue. " I bought her this little swim suit, and she was so cute in it, we had to swim". Mom said she wasn't cold, but the baby got sick.
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    At 3 years old, my daughter was having food allergies. When I dropped my daughter off, I explained that she is having food allergies, we don't know what from, and the Pediatrician has her on a strict elimination diet, slowly adding foods to find which ones she is allergic to.
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  • 07
    Dr orders: do not feed her anything unless it is in this lunch basket. Prescribed diet only! Mom agrees
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  • 08
    When I get home, they are eating cookies and cake. Mom says "grandmas are supposed to spoil grand kids"
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    Is this baby invisible?!

    At 4 years old, my mom lost the child in the store while shopping. A week later my wife looses her in a store. A month after that I also loose her in walmart and ask security for help. They call the cops, who lock down the Walmart and start a lost child search. ( we found her hiding inside the camouflage jackets in sporting goods, which really, when you think about it, is a good hiding spot)
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    So when I had a dinner invitation to meet with the VP and my boss to discuss promotion options and moving bonus, I told mom no shopping. She agreed, explaining that in addition to the 4 year old, she was caring for an senior / Alzheimer's patient family member. They will stay home, watch cartoons and eat pizza
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    When I arrived, mom is getting herself and the senior ready to go out. She asks for the car seat. I say 'no. You don't need a car seat for her. We agreed you wouldn't take her out'. We argue about that for several minutes. She says I have to go to my important meeting, so I don't have a choice. Give me the car seat. I called my boss, asked forgiveness and canceled dinner, 'due to a small family emergency.'
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  • 12
    The job offer was rescinded the next week. (Edit. I typed next day. I meant next week)
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    Dad refuses to discuss it. I ask for family therapy. They refused I go no contact.
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    Mom tells the entire family/ friends/ neighbors/ church that I refuse to see her for no reason
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  • 15
    So. 2 questions: 1. AITAH for going no contact 13 years ago? 2. The 4 year old daughter is now 17! I have 2 more kids that she barely ever met. AITAH for keeping no contact unless mom agrees to discuss her behavior, apologize, and change the behavior?
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    UPDATE: We are not going back. There is very little to gain and so much to loose. I did ask my siblings how do they deal with it?
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  • 17
    Simple. When mom is controlling or condescending or pushy, they just make up an excuse to leave. Sport practice. Dr appointments. We need to go let the dog out. Any reason to leave NOW
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  • 18
    So. Dad won't tell her the behavior is destructive. And when she is too much, my siblings lie to her. I am the only one in her immediate family who will tell her the truth about her behavior. I think that is going to have to be enough
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    Commenters were more concerned than supportive.

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    Los Angeles 2028 anyone?

    You know, if there was an Olympic sport for ignoring basic safety rules, your mom would be a gold medalist.
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  • 21
    I mean, she was terrible at childcare, but every time she stepped over a boundary, you went back. Her surprise is genuine, since how was she to know you meant it that time?
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  • 22
    How did all three of you manage to lose your kid in a store within a month long period?
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  • 23
    Well kinda for letting her watch your kiddo for 4 years. As you have described her, I wouldn't have let her watch my pet rock for an hour. But that's just me.
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